My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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