38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
