I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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