I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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