Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Drunk is not a location!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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