man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
