Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
