I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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