omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
