Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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