So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
