She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
