you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
