lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
