i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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