The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
