He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
