I'm drive I can fine osifer
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
