I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
