I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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