Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I would ride that face into the sunset
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
