You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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