Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's rum buckets o'clock
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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