If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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