plz talk dirty to me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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