i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
