You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
