he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
