so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
