saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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