just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
