Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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