Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
