haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
