It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
