I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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