; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
