Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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