I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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