I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
