i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
