Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
