Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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