btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
