We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
