he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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