you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
