Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
