i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
