420 ftw
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
